Anonymous Story: I Didn’t Hear Him Come In

I’ve buried what happened too deep inside me so as not to let even the slightest sign show through. From afar, I have a perfect life. I am 20, 300l in the University. Social life in school, pretty smile, and a good home. But how do I begin to explain how scared I get when a male gets too close to me? My love life has suffered so much coz I’m so scared of opening up to anyone I know because I don’t want them to feel sorry for me. I don’t even know if anyone will believe me. I was 14.

It was a Saturday afternoon. We were supposed to go to a wedding but I wasn’t in the mood. So mom said to stay home and keep my cousin company. He came to visit during the holidays. I left him in the parlor and I went to my room to sleep. I didn’t hear him come in OR lock my door. I only realized I wasn’t alone when my bed dipped under his weight. It’s an experience I want to forget so badly but I can’t. It was my first time and till now I haven’t let anyone touch me not to talk of having sex. I stay off-campus and alone. I can’t bear to share my bed with someone. My mom doesn’t understand why I like to be on my own. I’m hoping time will heal my wounds. I want to be someone but I don’t know how. It hurts too much. I hope mothers take note. No one is trustworthy enough to leave your female kids with. I learned that the hard way.

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