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Raped more than once, molested countless times. The first one started when he started to play with his dick right in front of me. I was 7. He did this for days. And one night, I had to go buy stuff for dad. Paying through a dark hallway, he dragged me, covered my mouth and just laid on top of me. Using his dick to rub my vagina. No penetration.
The second time, a different guy entirely. Penetration this time. Reported him to my grandma. He claimed it was a lie. I was beaten black and blue. Third guy, my neighbor’s friend. Continued for almost a year. Didn’t speak up for the fear of being beaten. Fourth guy is my ex. In between all this, my teacher molested me, fondling my breasts. Some guys from my secondary school too. Low self-esteem had set in all the while. And you know parents with their slut shaming…. I was celibate for 4 years because I had never enjoyed sex. I always felt guilty and dirty after it.
But then I decided to try again. And now, no day goes by without me fantasizing about it. No day! I don’t even know what to call my own case. No functional friendships or relationships because I always believe something is wrong with me. Everything has always been my fault (or so I believe). Putting this out here takes a lot of courage. I still believe things can get better.
“A small gesture can turn somebody’s situation around. Support survivors by ONLY leaving a kind and thoughtful comment.”
