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When I was 14 I met an older teen online who sexually assaulted me. I had never been kissed and he was licking my teeth as I gripped my teeth to keep him out. He was obese. Huge. I was small and underweight. He shoved his hands up my shirt and down my pants. He used his body to hold me down. I felt like I was watching it from above instead of it happening to me. He said, “What did you expect wearing pants that tight?” As I was pushing him away, I peed my pants. My flatmate has been harassing me lately and it brought up this dark locked-up memory, so I thought to upload my feelings about it.
“One of the most violated I’ve ever felt was when you sat next to me on the sofa when we were alone and said, “I’ve seen your nipples and you have brown nipples. Also, I’ve seen up your dress.” You moved in closer and made some weird speech about me being your island. I moved away and saw you pull up porn on your phone. I threw a fit in my room. The day replays in my head all the time and I’m so angry. I should have slapped you. You violated me.
“You moved from the chair to the sofa and asked if I hated being alone when my female friend had gone, and my ex-boyfriend was out of the picture. I heard one of your girlfriends you broke up with ask if it was because of me. You tell that story about the girl you wore down to sleep with you all the time. I live in constant fear you’re going to touch me. I fantasize about slapping you in the face. I want you to leave me alone. I fantasize about breaking your nose.”
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