Anonymous Story: I Was Numb and Scared

Last summer, a guy that I’ve known my whole life, our families were close and we always went to the same schools. He was begging me for weeks to come over and just hang out with me, I finally said yes. One night after work, he snuck into my window at home and he laid down in my bed and started rubbing my upper thigh, he brought alcohol with him and forced me to drink it, he started going farther up my leg and I told him repeatedly that I was a virgin and I liked someone else. He said “You wouldn’t have invited me over if you didn’t want it to happen.” But I didn’t. I thought we were just hanging out. My ex recently broke up with me before this so I needed a night of just hanging out with a friend.

Anyways, I told him that I just wanted to hangout and just watch a movie or something. Then he started to touch my vagina, and he then ripped off my pants and underwear, he pushed me onto the bed and started aggressively eating me out and being rude by asking why I didn’t shave and when the last time I took a shower was even though my hair was wet and everything from just getting out of the shower. To continue, he made me go down on him for hours, eventually he asked if I wanted to stop, and I said yes. About five minutes later he said it wasn’t fair because he didn’t cum yet, and then he raped me. As he was raping me, he was constantly saying how tight I was and how much I must be enjoying it, he left after he finished.

I didn’t really have anyone to talk to after it happened, so the next day I told my ex and he ran off and told the guy that raped me that I was telling everyone for attention but I only told him, and the man who raped me sent me a text the next day saying that it wasn’t rape because I didn’t tell him to stop or get off. I was just numb and scared, so I didn’t say anything. To this day, I still think it’s my fault it happened. He ended up threatening me, saying if I went to the cops, he would ruin my life, so I didn’t say a word. Last year, I’ve tried speaking with someone, nothing really works. I can’t even have another man in my room, or get intimate with another without having a full-blown panic attack. I’m pretty convinced it doesn’t get better.

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