Anonymous Story: I Just Wanted To Have Fun

In July last year, I went out for the first time in the year. I met up with a couple of friends and we went to get pizza. We hung out at the pizza spot for quite a while. A friend of mine brought vodka and we started drinking. I drank way more than I should and I got tipsy but I hadn’t been out in a while due to health issues and I just wanted to have fun so, I kept drinking. I got considerably drunk and they all decided it was time to leave. I was too drunk to enter a public transport so I ordered a cab . My friends put me in the car and it zoomed off. I kept drinking, got drowsy and then stopped. The sound of cars breezing past ours and horns became quite monotonous and I fell asleep for a while.

A few moments later, the car stopped and the driver stretched over to my seat, pulled the lever down and then he climbed on top of me. I wasn’t sure of what was happening and I didn’t struggle. He pulled my dress (which was quite short up) and he raped me. He returned to his seat and continued driving.

I passed out

We got to my destination and he woke me up, overcharged me (I looked at the app but I was too drunk to argue) and I left. I got inside and fell asleep almost immediately.

I woke up the next morning and I was in pain. I kept wondering and I thought I had gotten my period. I got a message from a strange number and I opened the chat. The sender typed, “Hi, I’m so sorry about last night, I really didn’t mean to. I just couldn’t control myself; you were too hot to ignore.” I got confused and I asked who it was and he said he was my driver last night and I asked him if he raped me and he continued apologizing, saying it happened in a moment of weakness.

He begged me not to report to the cab company or take it up. He said he was extremely sorry and that he has a daughter so I should understand that he never meant to. He also said that he used a condom so there was nothing to worry about. It was hard for me to accept that I’d been raped and I didn’t know what to do. I blocked him and told myself to act like it didn’t happen. After all, it was all my fault. Getting into a car that late and very drunk.

As my health got worse, I began having nightmares. Nightmares were something I usually had but they changed form. I started having dreams about the rape. It became hard for me to distinguish between what was real and what was a figment of my imagination. I’ve always battled with depression because of my health but it got considerably worse after the rape. I started cutting (something I hadn’t done in over a year), I started drinking again which was bad for my health. I started sleeping around too. I was confused and I just wanted to die.

I had a couple of tests again and the results came out worse, it was cancer and now I know my life’s over. I’m going to start chemo soon after my exams and I’m a total emotional wreck. I have strong thoughts of killing myself every day. I find it hard to not blame myself for everything that has happened to me

I’m not asking for help because I don’t want it. I don’t know if chemo will work or if I’ll give it a chance to work but I don’t want to die with a story like this. Thank you.

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