I have trouble to this day understanding if I was molested or not because it was done by a boy in my school who was clearly very sexual. I was around 8 and hadn’t experienced anything like that, so when he said it would be fun, I just trusted him. It didn’t look like anything out of my will but when I look back at it now, I can see the pressure he put on me to go along with it and to touch him in places which was all done at school in a small storage room. He’d always want more and so one time he asked me to undress myself and if he could do stuff with me. I can’t remember how far these advances got, I think I shut out a lot of it. Months later, I asked my mum if I was going to have a baby because of this, I was so completely ignorant but to this day, 10 years later, it’s affected how I view my current relationships and how I handle sex.
I had so much difficulty understanding this situation because, of course, he was the same age as me. It keeps going back and forth in my head. During all of my relationships, there have been several times where I just couldn’t have sex, like, something stops me even if I want to. When I’m single, I’m quite promiscuous, like, I know no boundaries. Addiction? I wouldn’t say I’ve become addicted but I’ve found myself drinking more and trying more drugs, especially after another trauma I had 8 months ago.
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