Anonymous Story – He Took My Childhood

Today I’m a 23-year-old lady who is also a mother to a beautiful 3-year-old daughter. But I live in fear each day. I am so desperate to take my child from my mum and have her with me at all times. I don’t remember what age I was but I remember the molestation, groping and fear. I am a miracle child to my mother. Medically, she was not able to have a child but God blessed her. So, I was pampered, people at home carried me all the time. My parents separated and mum moved back to her parents’ place. There is a man who till today I don’t know how he is related to us but he’s always around my grandma’s house.

When I was younger, he would carry me around and he would put his hands in my shorts or under my skirt. Sometimes he would carry me while he is sitting and he’d make me slide up and down on him and I remember feeling a hard thing but I didn’t know what it was. He would do this each time and he would get hard. I was or am still a loner. Tv and books were my favorite so if it wasn’t on then I’d be out. This man would take me to the back where my grandma keeps her chicken and he’d do things to me.

As I grew older, I became uncomfortable and I started dodging him. He enters the house and I’d run out or grab a book and go outside and pretend to read. In some way, it helped because I would always top my class, lol. But the sound of his voice, would put so much fear in me. Dodging wasn’t enough. The damage had been done. I was addicted to sex. I don’t clearly remember if it was I who suggested trying sex with a classmate or he did but we were caught by friends. Word spread throughout the hood and I was bullied. Everywhere I’d go to play and something would happen, I’d get mocked and laughed at. I’d go back home and cry. I became a loner.

I then started asking my mum for my dad. I thought he’d come save me from the tears. Then my mum told me I was going to go to school in my dad’s home country. Life was better or so I thought. I had become addicted to sex. I was in a single school for O’level and I felt imprisoned, I wanted to be out and meet guys and “have fun”. I changed schools and went to a mixed one for A ‘levels and I’d always have guys around me. Shockingly I didn’t sleep with none, maybe because I had a boyfriend who loved me and would do anything I ask. So I just needed the guys as friends but I needed them around me. I felt comfortable around them. With girls, not so much. Always felt awkward.

I learnt I was so beautiful when I joined campus. I had given myself this miss independent attitude and guys respected me, I even contested for the Mr. and Miss university. Everywhere I went I was told I was beautiful and for the first time it didn’t send chills down my spine. Mu daughter is my twin but more beautiful if I’ll be honest. My mum had to move back to my grandma’s house because of her health. That man sometimes comes home and I always call my cousin to check on my daughter. She says am paranoid but she doesn’t know why. I just can’t leave her to be with anyone.

This man took my childhood. He took my soul. I live in fear of getting another man because what if he will harm my daughter and I won’t be there. I sometimes almost give in to going back to my baby daddy because he loves women and no way in time does he have time for my girl. He’d rather be out chasing skirts. That video shook me and I thought of telling my mum but she’d die of heart attack. She’s suffered so much and this would kill her but I need to speak up. There’s one relative I have to ask but I’m afraid. I am not sure if it is my imagination but I remember her walking in on that man on top of me one day. I don’t remember if any action was taken. I don’t even know if she told anyone.

I’m sure they kept quiet so that they won’t cause harm to my mum due to her sensitive health condition. I want to ask her why. Her daughter is one year younger than me. What if it had been her daughter? My own cousins bullied me, including her daughter. Today I have no love for them. I live in a country far from relatives because I want a fresh start from them. They ask why but I can’t tell them this is part of the reason I’d rather be with strangers than them. They are more or less just social media family to me. I pray I make it in this new country and I will go and bring my daughter. I have already started scouting for schools. I’d rather be paranoid but I will do everything to give my daughter a childhood to smile about. Not one to hide and make pretend stories.

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