When I was 14, I was raped and didn’t even know it. I was always out with my friends, doing silly stuff that 14-year-olds do, having a couple of ciders between us in a park, that sort of thing. Then I met this boy, who told me he was 16, in a park one night, we got talking and I got his number and went round his house. When I got to his house, he was straight away all over me and I was a virgin and nervous, I hadn’t even kissed a guy before this. He took his trousers off and took mine off as well, he could see I was uncomfortable but I got too nervous to say anything. He made me do everything to him and when he went to put it in, I said “No because I’m scared it will hurt” and he put his hand over my mouth and did it anyway. Straight after he finished, he chucked me out of his house and made me walk home by myself at 2 am.
After that, I cried a lot because I never wanted to lose it this young and I didn’t want it to happen, I blamed myself for the whole incident and blocked his number. A few weeks had gone past and me and my friends were back at that park, as I wandered off to go to the shop, he came behind me and asked me why I hadn’t texted him. Why haven’t I come around? What am I playing at? I was scared and apologized and made up some bullshit excuses. He took me into the park and pulled down his trousers and mine and told me that “He deserved a sorry” he did it again. This went on for months when I went places, he would find me, he knew where I lived and would wait around the side for me
It affected my entire life, it got to the point where I wouldn’t go to school because I was scared he was around the corner, I didn’t tell anyone about it because I knew how wrong it was, I lost all faith in boys completely. Then about 2 years on his appearance was less and less until I eventually never saw him again, I couldn’t be more relieved but also terrified that he was still out there, doing this to other girls until, one night I was walking home at night and noticed a guy crossing the road every time I crossed and I instantly thought it was him and because I was so used to it, I just didn’t freeze or panic. I knew what was coming and I knew I couldn’t run.
But as the guy got closer to me, I realized it wasn’t him and then had a complete panic attack, the guy grabbed me and took out his penis, and told me to suck it, I managed to run in and hide in a neighbor’s garden a few roads away. I called the police straight away and told them what had happened, they picked me up and we searched around the area for him, but never did find him. A few days later they came to my house with a laptop, with a list of previous sex offenders who have lived or currently living around the area. I never found that man. But I did find “the first perpetrator” who claimed he was 16, I saw his real name and he was 20.
My heart stopped; it wasn’t just me he did this to. I don’t know how many girls he had been doing this sort of thing to but he could brainwash you and manipulate you into believing you wanted it and it was your fault. To this day, I am 20 and I have never had a relationship with a boy, I have turned to having relationships with girls because I feel safer with them. I am not a lesbian; I was abused and I have no trust in men.
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