Anonymous Story: Why I Didn’t Report (2)


To preserve anonymity, I’m not naming any bars or locations. I could if I needed to, but I won’t for now. My friends and I headed to a second bar, and I was sufficiently drunk. I spotted some attractive men and started flirting. This is not typical behavior for me. I’m generally shy and reserved, and terrified of talking to people I don’t know. But with the right amount of alcohol, I get some liquid courage and sometimes go for it. Still reeling from a breakup that happened a year prior, I was also in a pretty desperate state. I say this again not as a reason why I deserved what happened, but to note that my intentions that evening when flirting were not to find some guy to hook up with. I was lonely and heartbroken, and being a romantic, I believed it was possible to drunkenly meet a man at a bar and fall in love. I wasn’t looking for a one night stand, I was looking for my future husband. Sure, that’s ridiculous, but that is the state of mind I was in.

Things at this point are pretty blurry. I flirted with one guy for a while, once I realized his more attractive friend was taken. We exchanged numbers and my friends and I went to another bar. While at that bar, I tried texting this guy – we’ll call him Jay – and it didn’t seem to work. Panicked that I may have gotten the wrong number from my future husband, I ran back to that bar to find him and bring him to the bar I was at now. This was my fatal mistake, but still, did not deserve what happened. I got Jay to come to the bar with my friends and I. We drank more, probably made out a bit, and then the bar closed. My friends were heading home but I wanted to stay out.

Unfortunately, all the bars were closing, so I invited Jay back to my place for a drink. It was at this point that I remember stating very clearly that I would not have sex with him – I just wanted to keep drinking and talking. He appeared to understand. My friends confirmed that I was ok and I told them I was, and they left. I don’t blame them for any part of what happened next. They are great, exemplary men and I’m an adult. They had no reason to think I was in any sort of danger. I brought Jay back to my apartment. I don’t really remember this part. I’m assuming I brought out some tequila, because that’s usually what I do at this point. We were making out, and I do remember consistently reminding him that I did not want to have sex. At some point, it was decided he could sleep over, but again I said no sex.

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