Anonymous Story: No One Witnessed It.

I was raped at 7 years old. What happened? I don’t know. No one witnessed it but the evidence was all there. We don’t know who, or why or how, we only have slight leads with psychological inferencing. The thing is that I don’t remember, either. I’m missing an entire chunk of memory about happened. I’ve suffered from anxiety and depression and other undiagnosed mental illnesses because of this. I will never find closure, I tried once to remember and had a panic attack, ending with an attempted suicide in the school bathroom.

An entire year of my childhood, stolen. My right to closure, stolen. My mental health stolen, so much was taken from me by this man, this… unidentifiable monster. Worst of all, it became the scapegoat for my parent’s anger against my sexuality and gender. I was raped, so it’s all invalid. Everything is invalid. I’m invalid. I deny myself spaces to speak because I can’t remember, I deny myself help thinking “I’m not a real victim, I’m a dumbass. For all I know, I had begged for it”.

This is my life now. All uncertainty, all anxiety, all worthlessness.

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