Anonymous Story: My Soul Is Hurt

I was RAPED by a colleague.

I am a student of a medical school based outside Nigeria. I never lived in Nigeria so when I saw Nigerians, I was happy. So many tribes, a lot of culture that I had to learn online because I had never been home. I got along with everyone. They judged me because my upbringing was different. I was too Americanized– I had no culture. I would go out with some, sleep with some, drink sometimes. Just me doing University stuff. No harm, right?

One day, this guy who took my housemate out on dates asked her if I wanted to go out. I was already dressed to go out that night by myself. I knew him, he ate my food and held a conversation with me. Told me I could cook well. He couldn’t believe I never lived in Nigeria. I agreed to go out with them. We got drinks, went over to his place, and he was telling me how much he was in love with me. I didn’t see anything wrong with it, I was sober enough to ask him to take me home. We had a good time. No sex. Just friendship.

The next day, a Sunday, I still remember it. He came around, parked and was waiting for me. My boyfriend was supposed to spend that day with me but we had a disagreement. I couldn’t be bothered. I went out with this guy, let’s call him C. I went out with him and he took me in nature trips. Coming back from the trip we bought a bottle of wine, red wine. I opened the bottle, it was 13.5% alc. Nothing too fancy. I drink a lot – 40% and up straight shots and no hangover. My family drinks, so drinking is nothing. I was always sober enough to know when to go home or how to act on impulse.

We go to his house and his friends were over. We had a mini party. Dancing, drinking, he didn’t drink. There was weed involved. I smoked with friends. I could handle it. After smoking I was knocked out. Later that night around 12am-1am probably, I found myself on his bed. He was next to me. My clothes were on but my undies were off. My head was spinning. I knew I had been raped but there was nothing I could do. I left the bottle of wine to go to the bathroom. Maybe he drugged it, I don’t know. I woke up and he was gone for church. I was in the house for a long while and our Whatsapp conversations indicated nothing rape-like.

The school authorities didn’t believe me. They took his side. They were all men. Until today, the school hasn’t gotten me the counselling and therapy I was promised. But I can’t speak of it or involve the police because I’ll be expelled and blacklisted. I was 18. He was in his late 30s. Where I come from, I saw no harm in hanging out with guys that old unless your intentions are not pure. I wanted to assassinate the guy but I couldn’t find it in me. I ordered the hit so many times but cancelled. I feel pain, thinking of it. I had no STDs. He said he used a condom and told the school that we had sex but I was too intoxicated to remember. My soul is hurt

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