Anonymous Story: It Felt Strange

I was young and naïve, probably below five, because he stopped before I entered secondary school at ten. I was abused by two men – my dad’s step-brother and my neighbor. My dad’s step-brother always visited us and because he was older he helped prepare us for school. While bathing me, he would always rub my vagina and try to force his finger inside me. It really hurt, but I thought he was simply trying to wash away dirt. He slept in our room and he chose to sleep just beside me so that when everyone was fast asleep, he would start touching me all over my body. At first, it felt strange because he never did any of these things when people were looking, but then since he didn’t hurt me, I would just lie there and let him have his way.

My neighbor would always call me inside his room, bring out his penis, and ask me to massage it because according to him, “it was swollen.” I didn’t realize any of these things were abuse until I got older. Any time I think about all these I feel very dirty and worthless. I wish it never really happened. I wish I was wiser. I wish my parents didn’t trust them. This destroyed my relationship because I couldn’t let my boyfriend kiss me and I couldn’t kiss him either because whenever I close my eyes, my childhood replays. It is getting worse by the day because I get depressed, I avoid any kind of body contact and I can’t bring myself to hug people.

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