Anonymous Story: I Kept It To Myself

I have had multiple sexual abuse experiences but I will share the first. I must have been 5 years old when it first happened. There was this man who sold ice cream, he always passed by the house where I lived because there were a few children in it. Our parents would always buy ice cream whenever he came around.

I remember him promising to buy me ice cream a few times but he would take me to secluded places before I could get the ice cream. Sometimes he would pretend to leave, then he would yell my name to come for an extra. An extra meant he had to put his hands in my panties before I could get it. Later, he began to invite me to an uncompleted building to get ice cream. At this time, I was only obeying commands, I lost interest in the ice cream, I didn’t even want it. Sometimes, he would just give it to me so that I can tell those at home that he gave it to me.

I remember my mom always complained about me being too quiet for my age. I didn’t know if I could tell her so I kept it to myself.

The last time it happened, he had tried penetration on me, a 5-year-old. When I started screaming, he stopped before he could force himself in. He said something like, I needed to leave because my screaming might have alerted passers-by. He had actually tried on a different occasion and I screamed and said it was hurting me. I do not remember how it ended but my parents did not know anything about it.

I don’t know if I should thank God I wasn’t raped. Even though I can’t say I am a virgin, I can say I have by God’s abundant grace forgiven all those who hurt me and have moved on.

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